The heart of the matter

Updated: Aug 9, 2020

When I think about the line of work I do as an OBGYN physician, I think about the way we study science and medicine. Science is about understanding the mechanisms of why things take place. Because when we analyze the process from it's root, it enables us as clinicians to know exactly how to treat the disease or symptom. For instance, I know that a viral upper respiratory infection is caused by a virus, thus antibiotics will be ineffective against killing the virus. So symptomatic relief is the best cure. Or, I know the half life for a specific medication we use to help cause women to go into labor (pitocin) is about 5 minutes, so this would be the best agent to use to cause a women to go into labor whose baby's health status might not be optimal because it's measuring smaller than what we expect (intrauterine growth restriction). Because if the induction process is going south, I can turn of the medication and it will be out of her system in about 5 minutes giving a chance for her baby to recover. Understanding the current status of the patient's condition and the mechanism of action of the medication or treatment measures I want to take is very crucial creating a cure or proper medical management plan. 

This same analogy can be used for our personal lives. A couple months ago I finished reading a book called Destroying the Spirit of Rejection: Receive love and acceptance and find healing By John Eckhardt. In this book Eckhardt states rejection "comes when we do not receive the love and acceptance God created us to receive;" and "the most damaging kind of rejection begins early in life. The devil tries to plant seeds of rejection in children at a young age" to start the vicious process where people compensate for rejection by people pleasing, attention seeking, perfectionism, anger, bitterness, hard-heartedness, pride, isolation, addiction to drugs or alcohol, and sexual promiscuity.

In the same way we study medicine in order to know the mechanism of how the disease process occurred and the agents to use to reverse that mechanism. Eckhardt says, we must "expose the destructive spirit of rejection so that [we] will learn how to be free, how to restore the broken places in [our] lives and how to walk in the blessing abundance of God."

In Destroying the Spirit of Rejection, Eckhardt discusses some of the ways rejection can develop: 


- Witnessing domestic violence (sexual, verbal, physical abuse)

 - Living in a home with unhappy parents 

 - Being constantly criticized and made to believe you are inadequate 

 - Raised by parents who show no active interest in one's progress is school, activities, etc

 - Never receiving forgiveness or sense of being trusted by parents 

 - Siblings getting preferential treatment 


 - Being a victim of sexual abuse or incest 

 - Having a close relative who committed a serious crime and is sentence to prison

 - Sudden decline in family's socioeconomic status 


 - Being part of a racial minority 

 - Being teased, bullied


 - Being abandoned or divorced

 - Being widowed or cheat on 

 - Being physically or mentally mistreated by a spouse 


 - Experiencing racism, prejudice, bigotry due to a person's cultural background, race, ethnicity

*"Many [Blacks] experiencing rejection because of generational issues dating back to slavery" 

Now that we understand some of the origins of what can cause rejection, now we can discuss how the above life experiences manifest. It manifest as pleasing, attention seeking, perfectionism, anger, bitterness, hard-heartedness, pride, isolation, addiction to drugs or alcohol, and sexual promiscuity. Someone may people please because their dad never accepted encouraged or said affirming statements to him or her now this individual things he or she has to make everyone like him or her in order to be loved. So now he or she gives into peer pressure and says yes to trying that line or cocaine at the party. Or maybe a young girl sees her father leave his mother for a mistress and now she is bitter and is a man hater. She is disrespectful to all men she encounters including her male colleagues or bosses for no apparent reason so is continually getting fired and now can't pay her rent or bills. How about the young boy who could never measure up to his parents expectations so he becomes a perfectionist. He studies incessantly, he never misses a beat but one day he makes one mistake that is unforgivable he makes a B minus on an exam and now goes into a deep depression and starts to cut his wrists to find relief from his unforgivable act. Or how about the person who is a perfectionist as an effort to please his or her parents who grows us has a successful career and a beautiful marriage. Or the girl who is a man hater because her dad cheated on her mom, she is single but also has a successful career and is content being single. Do those two seemingly "perfect examples" make what's brewing in their heart okay? I beg to differ. They still have a heart issue that needs fixing. 

Some people may say this is bogus, life happens but it cause you to get into bad relationships, become addicted to drugs, etc. Even those that may not have had a soap opera time of life but still have bitterness, rage, perfectionistic natures  masked with a perfect career and perfect life on social media still need to fix the heart issue that they have used to compensate for their rejection. Because like pregnancy, that seed that is growing with eventually show and give birth. Or like a tea bag under pressure and hot water it will release its content, eventually. 

Some people believe science more than faith/God so I can show you scientifically how life experiences can cause the manifestations I mentioned above. There was a major study conducted from 1995 to 1997 by Kaiser Permanente called Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) which showed childhood trauma, neglect, and abuse can lead to later in life negative effects on health and well-being. Some of the childhood experiences the study examined included physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical neglect, emotional neglect, exposure to domestic violence, household substance abuse, household mental illness, parental separation or divorce, incarcerated household member. The increase in number of ACEs directly correlated with increase in number of later in life sequelae which included smoking, alcohol and drug abuse, promiscuity, and severe obesity, and correlated with ill-health including depression, heart disease, cancer, chronic lung disease and shortened lifespan. More information on the ACE study, click here

I once didn't believe that past experiences can't have such a detrimental effect on your future and the trajectory of your future but it does ONLY if you do not let Christ, our true healer into the picture to help restore you. If you watch my testimony video [click here], and read my two posts of abuse and childhood trauma [click here post 1, post 2]  you will understand more of my background. I didn't want to believe or face the fact that my past experiences could negatively impact my future. I thought that if I didn't believe it, it would just make the consequences and sequelae go away. But in same way healing through medical management and treatment doesn't come by denial but by actually taking the medicine, by changing your lifestyle and exercising, visiting your physician and taking their recommendations, healing from past experiences won't come by denial. 


1. You must understand that denial is not the answer it won't make the issues go away but being knowledgable about what are past experiences that need to be brought to light. 

Hosea 4: 6 says: My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because you have rejected knowledge

And you can gain more knowledge on what issues can potentially be holding you back from living an abundant full life by simply asking God to reveal it to you through prayer. Also sitting down and asking your self why you respond to seemingly benign interactions in such a harsh manner. Your exaggerated reaction could be due to some unconscious reaction to trauma and past experiences. 

2. Once you have identified what past experiences are affecting your present life as God to break those chains off your life. 

John 8:36 says So if the Son liberates you [makes you free men], then you are really and unquestionably free.

Rest in the fact that Jesus came to live on Earth and died for you to be free! Be restored! Be resurrected! For your past to be buried in the grave once and for all! Focus on this truth anytime your past tried to creep up and destroy your present and future!

*I commonly have to remember this truth and redirect my focus on what is true

3. Fast and pray about your deliverance. 

Matthew 17 gives an account of a young boy terrorized by a demon. The disciples were unable to deliver the boy from this spirit so Jesus stepped in and accomplished the task. The disciples later asked Jesus why they could not cast out the spirit (Matthew 17:19). Jesus told them However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting (Matthew 17:21). 

Matthew 17:14-21

4. Find mentors, people who are mature in their faith walk with Jesus to help counsel you and keep you accountable. Get plugged into a church that speaks on the healing power of Jesus Christ, that empowers you to know of the authority you walk in as a disciple of Jesus Christ and that professes the forgiving, merciful, loving nature of Jesus Christ as believers in His death and resurrection.  Find professional counselors who are in alignment with the principals of Jesus Christ but also trained professional to help you walk out of the experiences and trauma of the past and into healing. 

5. Read Destroying the Spirit of Rejection by John Eckhardt. Powerful, enlightening book! 

6. Enjoy life! Know that God wants you to have an abundant and full life (John 10:10). He wants to satisfy your every need (Philippians 4:19). He wants you to have joy (Nehemiah 8:10). Be encouraged that every second that passes by is an opportunity to experience change, but we must CHOOSE that path. 

I pray this message encouraged you! Let's walk out this journey of healing with Jesus as our friend, our comforter, our healer along side us helping us every step of the way. 



Check out Destroying the Spirit of Rejection: Receive love and acceptance and find healing 

Check this awesome sermon by Steven Furtick of Elevation Church in North Carolina.

Pivotal Decisions

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Fun Facts About Jenn Jenn

Back in my college days I use to totally get turnt, I legit studied so hard during the day so I could play hard at night (smh 🤦). Thank God for change lol. Now that I'm in my late 20s I literally love being at home. I'm such a home body now. My couch is my best friend, well actually no I take that back. My bed is my first best friend and the couch comes in as a close second. Hehe.

I swear I'm not a recluse 🙈. But I do enjoy being at home and hosting events at my house. Once my budget can handle this, I plan to buy amazing serving platters. When I have friends over I like creating beautiful displays with foods and getting my place all prepped and beautiful ready to host.

You should totally come over for my next chill out.


Jenn Jenn Vibes

With every post I'll post the latest songs I've been listening to. Lately I've really been into Afrobeats Gospel infused songs. Enjoy

Called For by Tbabz by Angeloh

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